“But how can I put my experience/ feeling down in a picture?” – this is probably one of the most asked question during each workshop.  It is not easy to think visually and even less so when asked to come up with a symbol that represents and combines several experiences, such as the symbol of the virus. 

In order to make it easier we have increasingly broken down the symbolization process to several steps / exercises that are carried out in small sub-groups.

As the workshop progresses, participants generally find it easier and more satisfying to “tell their story through images”.  With time, representations also become more individual and spontaneous.  At the end of each workshop most participants comment with surprise and enthusiasm on the expressive and communicative power of their paintings.

At times, we are surprised at how quickly some people identify with their symbol of the virus, commonly some form of fantasy animal or insect with monster-like features.  It happens that a participant seems to loose or chooses to ignore the “as if” quality of a representation (= “This symbol shows the way I experience / imagine my virus.”) and talks about her image as if it was the actual virus in her body (= “This symbol is my virus. Now I know what it looks like”).
 
At times, this might be due to a change of meaning in the translation from Kiswahili to English.  At other times, such a perception of the symbol might be underpinned by concepts of traditional healing.  In some Kenyan traditional healing practices, the illness becomes identified with certain objects in the human body.  The healer then removes these illness-provoking elements in an elaborate non-surgical, magical ceremony, thereby removing the illness from the body (see I.Sindiga (Ed.) (1995), Traditional Medicine in Africa. Nairobi, East African Publisher Ltd) 

We continue to explore and discuss this and other cultural and spiritual aspects that might shape reactions and perceptions of the body mapping process and outcomes.  We are aware of our own cultural backgrounds which are different from that of most participants.  We continuously try to bridge such differences with sensitivity and an increasing knowledge of the cultures present in our working environment.

It is difficult to say to which extent such fears stem from Christian teachings and / or traditional healing practices.  The latter honour various body- and self-invading spirits and do not always make a distinction between an image/representation and the physical body. (see D. Nyamwaya (1992) African Indigenous Medicine. Nairobi, African Medical & Research Foundation)  

In order to mitigate possible fears, we explain in detail the nature and intent of our method before the exercise and place it clearly into the context of a creative-psychological process rather than a spiritual practice.  This has been received positively, and worries about sinful or spiritually dangerous behaviour have been voiced less.

The 5-day workshops are very intense and personally involving.  The often unfamiliar degree of self-reflection and sharing of personal experiences with others can leave participants feel vulnerable and possibly at a loss of how to deal with their emotions. 

We therefore take great care to open and close each day with opportunities to share reactions and experiences during the workshop day as well as during the evenings and nights between each workshop day.  We offer and with the group collect suggestions of how to take care of oneself during the week of the workshop and afterwards (e.g. get as much sleep as possible, have dinner with a close friend / family member when feeling shaky, keep a diary etc.).  Finally, we explain the psychological process that participants commonly go through in order to put reactions into a context and normalize the feelings that arise.

At the end of each workshop, participants are asked what they would like to do with their body maps and whether they would like to show them in public.  Despite most participants’ initial enthusiasm about body map exhibitions, we understand that “coming out in public” can expose participants to hurtful comments and misunderstandings, and can possibly lead to further marginalization within the community. 

We therefore discuss the pros and cons of such public appearance with the group at the end of each workshop.  We further encourage participants to first take their smaller laminated copy of the body map into their family or circle of friends to try their own and other people’s reactions.  We then arrange at least one or more meetings with the group to evaluate experiences gained with the small body maps before we assist in the staging of an exhibition of the originals.  By that time, participants are clear about whether, why and how they want to participate or not. 

So far, all our public appearances have been very successful in terms of spreading awareness of HIV/Aids and empowering participants who often feel more confident and respected in their community as a result of it.  The occasional negative comments from the audience are usually dealt with collectively and without lasting effect on the participants.